I haven’t meant to abandon you guys, and I haven’t been hiding, exactly, but I can’t really say I was anxious to return to the blog. Life is complicated and for me that usually means weight-loss is not likely.
I told my precious husband, Tony that I wish so desperately that I was one of those people for whom being stressed meant, “I can’t bring myself to eat.” Instead I’m one of those people for whom stress means, “I can’t bring myself to eat just one plate.”
My absence has not all been out of guilt or lack on motivation. It started with a computer crash that left me finding it impractical to try to blog. Then life got very complicated, as it still is, and the time became short. I am feeling more demands in my job, my ministry responsibilities in our church have more than doubled lately, and we have had some personal issues like illnesses in the family that have complicated my schedule. This has been one of the most demanding seasons I remember in a very long time.
My weight is actually back up again – 158 this morning. I’m wondering if simply keeping off the 20 additional pounds I’ve lost this year (a total of 80 pounds from my highest weight) might be the most I can hope for. If I can get back to 152 and keep that off instead of see-sawing back and forth between 152 – 158 that would be a big improvement.
My schedule restraints are legitimate. I have so much on my plate that by the end of the day it’s late and I’m exhausted. Sleeping less simply isn’t a good option. I’m already struggling for energy.
Dietary failures are not acceptable. I confessed my sins to my hubby, who is also my pastor. I am guilty of emotional eating. I am even finding my self fighting urges to sneak private treats of nasty burgers and sweets. When I want to hide to eat or hide what I’m eating, that’s unhealthy and a sign of addiction. At the end of a hard day I want to drown my emotions in cream sauces and sooth my tired spirit with slabs of bacon. My partner is holding me more and more accountable, steering me toward the broccoli and the salmon.
I have decided to begin reading “The Ultimate Weight Solution” by Dr. Phil McGraw to address my emotional eating issues. I know the facts, but I have to find a way to attack the core issues. Knowing what and how to eat, knowing the right exercises and owning a gym membership will only take me so far. It’s time to address the things that send me to food as a means of trying to meet my emotional needs.
My God is big enough to handle my problems. My sweet husband is anxious to help and comfort me when times are hard. I have worked very hard to lose weight. It is simply unacceptable to let hard times and a busy schedule steal what I have been given, what I have worked for, what God has blessed we with. I will not relinquish my better health and fitter form.
That being said, I am also realistic that though I am determined not to loose too much ground, this season of transition may simply be about keeping my head above water. With little to no cardio over the last couple of weeks and no more than one session in the gym, I have to get back to an overall healthy lifestyle. A low calorie healthy diet and at least 3 good cardio sessions a week are necessary just to maintain my new weight. It would take a good bit more to gain ground. I must start by trying to work the basics back into my new and much more difficult schedule.
I hope you will share your successes and your tips and motivate me to get creative again! May week 39 be a success for you! 🙂